P90X day what?

I SOOOOOO need some of that cooling spray right now. My thunder thighs are on FIRE!!!! Jump training my ass! Any more friction down there and we'd be seeing lots of smoke. I've got burn marks!

And there is no weight loss, in fact, munch munch, I'm gaining, having gained two pounds this week. Do I care? Not enough to do anything about it. I just learned that I'm allergic to a whole bunch of foods and basically, this is my last chance to eat things I really like and enjoy, 'cause next week I see the nutritionist, and all the bad food will either be thrown out or otherwise destroyed. All that money spent on food, down the drain. Now instead of eating good food, I get to take supplements made from artificial foods, drink unflavored water, and eat cardboard, without any salt to sprinkle on it. Oh joy. And I'll probably still gain weight. Yayyy.

So for today, I'm being naughty. Tomorrow I will pay.

P90xxx: Day 8 :-P

One is supposed to be a wimp today. Sit back, relax, rest. Or maybe do a stretch routine. Well, I'm not strong nor do I have endurance, but I ain't sitting on my butt today. I stretch daily with or without p90x anything.

So today, after a 2 hour drive, 2 hour flight, and lunch, I started WEEK TWO: Chest & Back and Ab Ripper X.

I didn't need the chatter, so I chose the music and cues, then decided silence was better. Then I turned on my favorite workout track, Crystal Method Workout on Nike & Ipod, and ripped through it. Everything was easier in terms of being able to do the workout. By the second time through, I was fast forwarding any time I had longer than a 30 second break between sets. Once you know the routine, you can take the 1.5 hour workout and get it down to an hour or less, as you don't need the instruction. I hope. Otherwise I'm gonna really be feeling it tomorrow.

I found a safe way to put the bands through a closed door (tie a knot in 'em, then thread the knot to the other side of the door, close the door, and done. You're not going to be doing pullups on them, but you can get some serious strength that way. A friend reminded me of another pilot that is now severely paralyzed after a pull-up doorway bar released while he was on it. Not good. I'll do pull-ups in a gym or with a proper installation at home, not a portable POS.

Now to get back to work.

POSX Day 6:Eecch!

Few things in life are as fun as taking off a tight, wet, nasty sports bra. As you roll the nasty thing up, you hear seams ripping, only some of which are coming from the fabric. You slough off a layer of skin, that wasn't quite ready for shedding, leaving behind large scrapes. Then, with almost a SPORING, the girls leap out, happy to have their freedom back, and, if you're older than about 25, they head for the planet, bruising your knees if you're not careful to set them down gently, sloshing a gallon of sweat onto the floor. But, there is some satisfaction at the end, when you bring one part back, re-stretching the fabric, then releasing, letting the despised object shoot across the room. It'll take an eye out if one is in the path during release.With a mighty wet SPLOSH!, the bra hits the wall, then drops neatly into the laundry basket.

I'll wipe down the wall later.

Kenpo X, after an easy warmup,  was knees, elbows, limbs flailing wildly, with the desired effect of rendering one's opponent incapacitated with uncontrollable laughter.

Then we started the second exercise. Comedians struggle for years and may never achieve such comedy.

There were some moves with kicks. The Rockettes are not in danger. I'd had some karate training in the past, and all it did was to confuse the moves of the slick, polished individuals on the screen, frolicking through the routine like they've done it a hundred times before. And I'm sure they have. As I was on a Mac and not my usual PC, I searched in vain for the slow motion button, finally giving up and moving along at my own speed. If I'd set the thing to slow motion, it'd be dawn before I made it halfway through.

About halfway through, the polished beauties started to slow down. And by the end, I'd finally caught up.

Yesterday I missed the Ab Ripper routine, so I've missed that twice this week. I'm not worried about the supplements or the nutrition part. I'm not after ripped and I don't feel like another injury from which to recover. My head still hurts from that dang bar from yesterday. No, my goal is to make it to day 21, still upright, without needing a walker. Hopefully, this not needing a walker part will also include some side benefits such as making it up my front step without needing to take a break between legs. Well, I'm not that bad, but I was, and never want to get there again.

P90x Day 3, 3.5, 1/2 of 4

First off, so everyone is clear, my head hurts!!!!!

I took it easy during the yoga part, getting a good workout laughing my ass off at some of the poses. My body doesn't move that way.

I took the next day off, walking 4 miles while going on wild goose chases, herding cats, and tap-dancing around hot topics.

Then, Day 4, I was nicely settled into the routine, doing the wide-arm pull-ups with the bands for the second round, and the damn bar came out of the doorway. It smacked me right on top of the head. Fortunately, the part that hit was where I'd tied the bands, so it wasn't metal on my hard head, but cushioned metal on my hard head. It didn't split the skin, but I've a nasty bruise there.

I am still pissed. The bar is going right back to the store along with a consumer complaint to the Consumer Product Safety Commission. I followed the flipping instructions. The thing held just fine for 2 days of attempted pull-ups, and I'm not that strong, yet. Looking closer, I found where one weld was improper, thus the arm that holds the thing to the wall bent. Cheap Chinese POS garbage! I'm not against any country, but I am against paying good money for crap. Oh, I want to go Billy Blanks on their butt, perhaps it is some time for some Force Lightning...


The good news is that an ice bag on the head really cools you down. I did a modified version of the workout with no pullups or attempts at such, then applied my topical painkiller of choice with a Tylenol chaser.

Weight-wise, on Day 6 total of doing this stuff,  I'm up 0.2 pounds but supposedly my body fat percentage is down 3%. I don't see that much in terms of appearance, so I'm going to skip images for another week or so.  When I find my tape measure, I post if there are any size changes.

Edit: Found the tape measure. So far I've lost one inch off of my belly and waist, and TWO inches off of my hips. Sweet! That's almost enough motivation to do the Ab Ripper X, once my head stops hurting.

Today's Picture of the Day, a tasty apple for spammers...

P90[explicative deleted] Day Three.

I spent the day tap dancing around hot topics, dong the carpet dance, going on wild goose chases, and finally wrapping up the day by herding cats. I am getting faster at shuffling paper, though.

Today was shoulders and arms. I have to be extremely careful with a rebuilt shoulder, but again with the docs blessing, I could have at it. Except I didn't want to. I put it off most of the day, the running around making it easy to put off. My rebuilt leg was complaining, but it had the day off excepting for the dancing and chasing. Oh. I do NOT want to do this.

But sitting in a chat room talking with folks far in excess of my size and those that no longer care, I kept feeling sillier and sillier. It's only a blipping hour long and I can hit the pause button all I want. And the hot tub is hot! After ten minutes in chat, the same tired stories popping up that I've already read and commented on, I snapped. "Night all" and I was off. Pop in the CD, hit the loo, wrap up the bouncy parts, and hit play.

The first round I could do 12.5 pounds thinking I was hot stuff. The second round I did 10 pounds. Then the second set first round I did 10, then dropped to 5 and stayed at 5 for the rest of the routine. This was a rather easy routine in terms of the moves, no push-ups or pull-ups from hell, but add in lots of weight and you can blow a tendon. I kept it light and easy, using pain as a guide. Only got one warning, which is where I went down to and kept things at 5 pounds.

After a workout is not the time to collapse on a couch or hunch over the computer. Read McKenzie's "7 Steps to a Pain-Free Life" for details. So instead of blogging my exploits, I hit the hot tub and did the range of motion exercises (ROM) for the hips and legs. Afterwards I did a Biofreeze rub-down with a Tylenol chaser.

I hate p90x. I hate the person that developed it. I hate the former friend that introduced me to it. I hate the fact that my CD 3 was damaged and the company is replacing it for free, but, it was available online so I had no excuses (and no, don't ask me where it is, you can read this blog, you can google it). I hate the fact that my clothes are not fitting easier, but are becoming tighter in areas not related to fat. I am plotting revenge, if I can get out of this chair. If I can get out of bed tomorrow.

I still managed to tweak a muscle or nerve in the substandard arm, so it'll be a waiting game to let it calm down. If it's a nerve, 3 days. If it is a muscle or worse, a few hours to unknown. Tomorrow is yoga, so there'll be limited stretching and no weight on that arm. I'm mentally crossing my fingers that all will be well soon.

P90X Day 2: Plyometrics

I made a really important decision today. It was very difficult and painful, and I knew things would get worse if I did. I resorted to bribery, if the temperature outside increased above 65, I would sit in the hot tub for as long as it took. Thus, I got out of bed.

I can count my pecs, something I've not been able to do since taking a weight training course in high school. Today, each one is crying out for more Biofreeze and some painkillers. Having the knowledge from the high school course and a period where I was a real athlete, the pain is following a familiar pattern, so I know it's normal and not due to having injured anything.

And scientists wonder why people don't exercise? It's easy, silly, it's cause exercise hurts afterwards and the next day is even worse!

Plyometrics was a great workout. If you have any constipation issues, this routine will clear 'em right out. With my Biofreeze pre-rubbed in, I started. After about 15 minutes, getting better, with plenty of breaks, the body finally decided it was time to take a leak, but I was able to get right back in it. If you used a scanning electron microscope, you could see the ground clearance in my leaps. The arm movements were negligible, just trying to hold on to the 44 Longs, despite wearing three sports bras.

About halfway through, my deodorant gave out.

The twist combo really got things bouncing, Boobquake 2010 here we come! One hand to hold the boobs, one hand to hold the fat. The paint on the apartment walls would peel if I raised my arms, so this wasn't too bad.

By the third twist combo, I was ready to puke out breakfast, dinner from last night, breakfast from last morning, the box of Milk Duds I had in 3rd grade...

Guitar Hero after a series of little leaps, I tried one full out. Fortunately I have serious padding in my fanny so when I landed on it, no damage was done.

Squat jacks was another trip to the loo. I spotted a wrapping band used from a surgery long ago and tied things down. This led to a vast improvement in performance. The bruises in my chin should go away in a few weeks. I'm not looking forwards to waking up tomorrow, though.

The second round of Guitar Hero, I kept it low and stayed upright. Then there was football hero, baseball hero, tire hero, squat hero, run jump and squat hero, and an assortment of tortures, all designed to beat one's self up and maybe, if one is really lucky, maybe burn of some of the excess that is a sedentary life.

Finally, the cool down. I thought I'd made it, until the calf stretch. Arrggh! They did get a burn going in the warmup, but they did another in the cooldown! Sneaky, sneaky.

Despite wanting to puke everything out during the workout, afterwards I wanted to eat a horse. On the hoof. I settled for some chicken and macaroni and cheese. I worked too hard to have lettuce with tofu wedgies.

Tomorrow, if I can get out of bed, it'll be Shoulders and Arms, plus another Ab Ripper. 19 Days to go.

P90x Day 1: Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X

P90X Day 1:

I survived the fitness test without problems and upon ensuring my Biofreeze (think Icy Hot or Ben Gay except Biofreeze works) supply was adequate and the hot tub was hot embarked upon Chest & Back. All the company's lawyers are probably screaming about right now, but with a baker's dozen of surgeries, lots of injuries from previous attempts at physical fitness now all explained away and fixed, I've got the docs' and physical therapists' clearance to go for it, especially if I can stick with it, basically anything that doesn't lead to another injury and the treating guys know that I know enough to prevent injuries by now.

WTH, feeling a burn during the warm-up? That's no fair! I'm not supposed to be regretting my decision before the first ten minutes!

I'm gonna get another dumbbell to make the push-ups easier on my poor wrists. All the push-ups I did on my knees (note, get kneepads or a thicker pillow), and I had a pillow under my chin, great for if I collapsed or when taking a break. I don't have my bands yet and can't do a pull-up to save my life, so I simulated the motion. On the heavy pants, I found ten pounds to be inadequate so upped it to 12.5 pounds (I'm not insane yet) and carried that 12.5 throughout the rest.

I'm not quite certain how to do the dive-bombers on one's knees, so I attempted them without being on the knees. I could do the up or the down, just not the slide. Fortunately, my fat required enough ground clearance to keep me from going too low. Having water available is a good idea, too, it makes there be less acid when you puke your guts out afterwards.

I thought I was doing wonderful, though wondered why we'd reached the end of the page and the video wasn't over with. And I'd been hearing the hints about there being a second round. Oh great...

I'm not doing this to get ripped right now. It'd be nice to have a sculpted body, but due to the numerous sculpting made by doctors to repair things, I'd just be happy to survive the program for 21 days. As many instructors have taught me, do something for 21 repetitions and it'll be a habit.

Halfway through the second round, in the middle of a push-up, both the bladder and the body gave up. Time to go, NOW! With a hot-flash kicker. The program has a pause button, alas, the bladder decreed I not take the time to press it. Fortunately, rewind and fast forward work. See, I can work up a sweat without doing anything!

I do like how the program mixes it up so it's not always the girl being a wuss by using the bands. Finally, at long last, not quite gasping for breath as I am not absolutely pushing it (next time through), I was done...

Or so I thought, again the program kicked me in the rear.... Ab Ripper X, WT*? I hit pause, check the schedule, and yeah, it's there. Okay, I've already got the stuff out, so here we go.

Put your feet in the air, and with a rope to support that? Are you supposed to see daylight between your legs and the ground for those moves? Twenty-five reps, hah! I did 8, 10, 5, none but sitting there laughing hysterically (hey, laughing hysterically uses the abs too!), but I tried every one of them.

Now, if I survive the night, I have Plyometrics to look forward to tomorrow. Eighty-nine days to go... Wait... 20 days to go, there, that sounds better.

I think everyone will enjoy the irony that as I suffered along with the program, my little iRobot was busy vacuuming the other room. 

P90X Day 0: The Fitness Test

So it's been five months since a major surgery, and having lost 40 pounds then gaining back 45 (no fair!), gaining a new job, another surgery, and losing said job, I thought it is time I got myself back into shape.

I took the before pictures. I deleted them. I had a banana split to make me feel better.

I started working my way through the test.
1. Pull-ups. Who are they kidding?
2. Rest 1 minute. Okay, I can do that.
3. Vertical leap. Okay, I'm tall. And this white gal can jump, nearly 8 inches.
4. Rest 4 minutes. Sweet! This is easy.
5. Push-ups. Umm, wait, there's salvation in the fine print for us ladies! That's 15 on the knees with lots of pillows.
6. Rest 4 minutes. Phew, I needed it.
7. Reach past your toes, something I could never do in school. Today, for the first time in my life, I was able to reach 1.5 inches beyond my toes!
8. No rest, bummer!
9. Wall squat, basically sit, but with no chair. This was one of physical therapy's favorite tortures. Ensuring I had lots of pillows on which to land, I made it one minute and one second. Yeah yeah, one second beyond ain't much, but it's one more than the absolute minimum.
10. I enjoyed those pillows for the four minutes rest.
11. Bicep curls, oooh, this one I can do. Made 20 of them with 10 pounds weight. To think, 13 years ago I was hauling around 80 pound bags like nothing, got injured, got repaired, then started with lifting soup cans. After a few months of that, I started lifting unopened soup cans.
12. Only 3 minutes rest, I've been robbed!
13. In & Outs... Hmm, I'm great at In-N-Out, can usually get my Double-Double and fries in under 20 minutes, but for this fitness test they have you kick your feet in and out while sitting on the floor. I made five above the min.
14. Back to the four minutes rest, whew!
15. Jumping jacks for two minutes. Okay, on my way and at the 45 second point, whoops, gotta pee, NOW. So does it count if I could do it, if I hadn't needed the physiological break?

I waited 'til my heart wasn't pounding out of my chest and tried it again. Gonna need two sports bras, aw, make that duct tape like the Princess Leia character in the first real Star Wars movie. So I continued through the second minute with one arm holding down the girls to keep 'em from smacking me in the chin. Hmm, jumping up and down has other side effects, one must ensure an adequate airflow through the room.

As I was enjoying the four minutes break, the hot flash hit, so I got an increase in the heart rate. Reading the fine print once again, all you have to do to pass is finish the test standing and able to breathe (doesn't say one can't have a gas mask on, phee-ewww!).

I won't be purchasing equipment as I already have a 10-50 pound dumbbell (might get a second one), pain & torture has given me a set of bands, and those funky "door pull-up" bars all require a doorway without a door, so all that seems to be left is a yoga block.

I checked my weight before I started and again afterwards. Not bad, I only gained one pound (was drinking water throughout).

Tomorrow I plan to watch workout one, on fast-forward of course.

A pic for the day from PleaseEnjoy: